BROHSEIDON

🦈 Brohseidon: Jaws of Justice
“Broh up. Or broh down.”
I. THE COMING SPLASH
“When the waters rise, only the shredded shall surf.”
Deep within the Brohken Trench, where pressure crushes and sunlight fears to tread, dwell the Brohseidon—jacked sharkfolk of mythic swole and immaculate vibes.
Each Brohseidon is born into The Creed of the Curl, a sacred code passed from bro to bro since the first splash echoed across the reef halls.
They believe that one day—soon, or not—the Kraken will return to unleash what they call The Coming Splash, a world-ending wave of tentacles, betrayal, and cardio.
And so, they train.
Every damn day.
“The iron fin sharpens the iron fin, bruh.”
“Leg day ain’t real if your tail ain’t cryin’.”
“Hydrate. Vibe. Devour kelp. Repeat.”
II. LIFTING THE SEA
Training Regimen of a Brohseidon includes:
Kelp curls (seaweed resistance bands)
Coral bench press (living coral grows stronger when flexed upon)
Current sprints (swimming against jet streams while shouting)
Bicep bumps (how they greet, mourn, marry, and solve disputes)
Posehold Rituals (holding max flex while chanting “SPLASH IS COMIN’”)
“Pain is the barnacle of progress.”
Their home gyms are carved into the sides of abyss walls, lit by glowing plankton and pre-workout powder.
III. THE MEGA-BROH-DON
“We cannot outswim the Splash... but we can ride it.”
Legends say it started as a joke:
“Yo what if we built a giant shark with our faces on it?”
But jokes in Brohseidon culture become real the moment they’re said with conviction and a protein-packed heart.
And so, it was forged.
THE MEGA-BROH-DON
A colossal brohjan shark made of driftwood, sunken ships, coral bone, and haunted seashells
Powered by steam, biceps, and belief
Holds up to 80 Brohseidon warriors, 1 conch Bard, and an armory of flex-forged harpoons
Designed to punch the Kraken in the soul
“This is it, brohs… our magnum opus.
The Splash Wagon.
The Fin-tanic.
The Shred Zeppelin of the sea.”
IV. BROTHERS LOST, VIBES FOUND
Score 906, 4th Measure of Duskturn, Beat 11

In a test launch of the MEGA-BROH-DON near the southern coast of Myrr’Kael, one Brohseidon named Gobbles got too hyped and leapt from the vessel mid-pose.
He was never seen again.
Not because he died.
But because he chose to ride the currents and “find the Splash early.”
V. THE CODE OF THE CREST
The Brohseidon belief system is built on 7 Sacred Swells:
1. Flex thyself before thou flexeth against others.
2. The Spotter is sacred. Never let thy broh drown in struggle.
3. Carve not the sea—surf it.
4. Kelp and squid is life. Respect the greens and gains.
5. Shred with honor, splash with purpose.
6. Never skip fin day.
7. All Bros return to the Wave.
VI. BROSEIDON TODAY
They now roam the upper sea layers, surfacing near Grimspire and South Rojour, where they vibe with surface folk and occasionally bench press boats to assert dominance.
They are tight with:
Brohlax and Brohtaur (shared love of Groovestock and herbal supplements)
Grogling scouts (firefly lifts = new sport)
Crocren (mutual “Aye, we strong but funny” respect)
They avoid:
Drizzak (awkward tension from accidental wall-starting)
Kraken (for now)
“The Kraken’s not real,” some say.
“Then why do I train, Chudwin?” a Brohseidon replies, tears mixing with saltwater.
VII. FINAL QUOTES FROM THE DEEP
“We ain’t just fish, bruh… we’re fate’s delts.”
“The ocean lifts with or without you.”
“Flex not for fame, but for the Splash.”
"It just works."